act ii
by Ju5t An0th3r H3d63h06
Summary: in which Candice, Flint, Maylene and Aaron take it upon themselves to thoroughly irritate a certain blond gym leader over the course of a week. cosplay, confetti cannons, and chaotic camaraderie ensue. —senirasu, oneshot. {for shadowgirl170}


**a/n: For ShadowGirl170, who kicks butt on a daily basis. Shadow, I wish you a very happy (and very belated) birthday and pray you have many more. Unfortunately, my teleportation machine failed and I was unable to retrieve Volkner from Sinnoh and trap him in a box for you. Hopefully this long-overdue oneshot makes up for it. :)**

**Everybody go flood the (belated) birthday girl with Best Wishes: u/4285624/  
-You know the deal, just add fanfiction. c:**

**[EDITS: fanfiction does not seem to like safari. it took me five tries to upload the fixed version.]**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon. (Huh, I said it normally this time. Go figure.)**

* * *

_Ways to Annoy Volkner: act ii_

* * *

[monday]

* * *

Dress him up in sparkly Pokémon accessories when he's sleeping.

Take a picture of him.

Use it as blackmail AND/OR Give it to Candice.

* * *

"Are we supposed to be here?" Aaron looked around nervously, wincing as an electric-blue barrette fell from the huge Fashion Case he was lugging.

"More accurately, where did you find the key to this place?" Maylene picked up the barrette and eyed the Gym Leader asleep on the couch. "And how are we supposed to get all of these onto him while he's asleep?"

"Volkner sleeps like a rock," scoffed the third member of their party as he dropped the spare key onto the coffee table. "We have at least an hour." He waved a camera in the air. "So get working!"

"Oh, you're helping too," Maylene told the redhead as she removed the top from a Glitter-Powder canister and took a brush from the case. "You came up with this crazy plan."

"Hey, I can't help it if my boredom is contagious!" defended Flint in a whisper as he scooped out a handful of ribbons.

"Just drop the ribbons and get the shampoo," instructed Aaron in an undertone, handing Flint a bottle of hair dye and a vial of Shiny Powder. "And give me the camera."

* * *

Give Candice candid shots of him.

* * *

"Oh my Arceus. You guys didn't." Candice stared at Flint, Maylene, and Aaron with a combination of awe and horror before looking back at the photos in her hand.

"Blame Flint," muttered Aaron. "I'm the sane one here."

"Strange, that's not what you were saying when you were braiding the ribbons," countered Flint snarkily.

"Do you want in on Let's-Annoy-Volkner-Week?" asked Maylene, ignoring the arguing duo. "All Flint's idea, naturally," she added quickly.

"Of course I do!" cried Candice, grinning. "I can post this on Tumblr, right?"

* * *

Switch his mousse with blue hair dye.

* * *

Bathroom mirrors are pesky things sometimes. Especially at eight AM on a Monday morning when they reflect your hair as a startling shade of sapphire instead of its normal bleach-blond.

Volkner muttered a few choice words and poured the rest of his shampoo down the drain. Predictably, it was a lovely shade of electric blue with a few silver sparkles thrown in for good measure.

"…I hate my friends."

* * *

Switch his mousse with hair detangler.

* * *

Midway through washing the dye out of his hair, Volkner caught sight of a bottle of hair detangler in his bathroom trash can.

"...Crap. They got to my mousse, too."

* * *

Spike his coffee with Pixy Stix.

* * *

Volkner eyed his reflection in the mirror. His hair was still tipped in blue, but otherwise it was back to normal. Deciding not to push his luck, he pushed open the bathroom door and headed into the kitchen in search of coffee.

Much to Volkner's surprise, his coffee machine was happily whirring away from the counter near the sink. Confused, the blond lifted a scrap of paper from the countertop.

_Hi Volkner! Flint, Aaron, May, and I crashed at your house last night because Elementary was on and you have a bigger TV than all three of us. So in exchange, we made you coffee this morning. –Candice :) _

"Figures," muttered Volkner as he checked the still-steaming mug. _That would explain the hair dye. Well, this stuff doesn't __smell__ poisonous…_

With a shrug, the (mostly) blond Gym Leader lifted the mug to his lips.

And promptly spit it across the room.

"What the _hell_ is this?!"

* * *

[tuesday]

* * *

Sing, "Volkner and Candice, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" really loudly.

Now run. From both Candice and Volkner.

* * *

"Volkner and Can-dice, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes denial, then comes the biggest betting pool in the history of Sinnoh!"

Flint, Aaron, and Maylene finished their impromptu performance triumphantly, adopting poses suited for a curtain call rather than a childish scene inside a Gym. Volkner briefly contemplated sinking into the floor of embarrassment. It was bad enough that the trio had sung a specialized rhyme for him and his best friend who he may or may not have actually liked, but they had to do this in front of _both_ of them.

Next to him, Candice glared and stomped a foot. "That was pathetic! Do you people not know how to rhyme?!"

Volkner put a hand to his face. "I hate Tuesdays."

* * *

Paint a rock yellow and tell him it's a Thunderstone.

Laugh as he tries to evolve an Eevee with it.

* * *

"This…isn't a ThunderStone, is it." Volkner placed two fingers to his temples, feeling the beginnings of a headache.

"No, but it is a fantastic chew toy," replied Candice cheerfully as she watched the Eevee gnaw happily on the rock.

* * *

Dump a bucket of paint over a Pikachu and tell him it's a Shiny.

Laugh when he gives it a bath.

* * *

With a sigh, Volkner tossed a Poké Ball. "Octillery, Water Gun!"

"Water what?" Maylene yelped, a second before both her and the Pikachu were drenched in a freezing jet of liquid. "Pwah! That's f-f-f-freezing!"

"Flint put you up to this?" Volkner withdrew the Pokémon and scowled.

"No, but I'm going to kill him anyway." Maylene stomped out of the Gym, leaving orange footprints behind her.

* * *

Draw a face on a stone wall and ask him if his cousin is visiting.

* * *

"No, Flint. Now get out of my Gym with the Sharpies."

* * *

Dress up as Flint and ask him if your Pokémon should pop in and out of your Afro to battle.

* * *

"NO, AARON. THEY SHOULDN'T. NOW TAKE OFF THE WIG AND GET OUT."

* * *

[wednesday]

* * *

Set a Rotom loose in his Gym.

* * *

"Well, _someone's_ having fun," remarked Volkner dryly, watching the combination Electric-and-Ghost-type Aaron had released possess gear after gear and slam them into each other. He was actually starting to appreciate the quartet's creativity with their pranks—where did they find a Rotom and how did they manage to capture it?—until the Pokémon discovered into the elevator in the back of the Gym.

The Gym Leader's eyes widened. _Oh crap, if that thing gets into my apartment…_ Wincing, he pulled his Pokégear from his pocket and dialed the number of one of his fellow Leaders.

"…Fantina, I'm going to need a favor."

* * *

Set a Groudon loose in his Gym.

* * *

"I swear to Arceus, Flint, if there's another rogue Pokémon behind these doors…"

"Well…that depends on your definition of 'rogue Pokémon'." Flint laughed nervously.

Glaring at his friend, Volkner braced himself and wrenched open the double doors. He was faced with a three-foot-tall plushie.

"What…" The bemused blond picked up the stuffed animal and examined it. The Pokémon was dark red, with black markings crisscrossing its outer skin, a dark gray underbelly, and unseeing yellow eyes.

"It's called Groudon," piped up Candice from behind him, holding up a picture of the real thing. It looked decidedly scarier, and Volkner silently thanked Arceus that no one was willing to track down the Legendary Pokémon he now recognized as a Hoenn native.

* * *

Hack into Pokémon Platinum, create a Lv. 100 Gyarados with Volt Absorb, and set it loose in his Gym.

* * *

"That's not even possible!" yelled Volkner as Electivire's strongest attack hit the Gyarados like it was nothing.

"That's what I'm saying!" retorted Aaron as his Vespiquen launched a second Power Gem attack in the direction of the rampaging serpent.

"I had no part in this," put in Candice. "Abomasnow, Wood Hammer!"

Maylene expressed her agreement as a Dragon Rage attack sent her Hitmontop flying.

Volkner eyed Flint suspiciously. The Afro-wearing Elite Four member sighed.

"Dude. Don't even. I train _Fire_ types."

* * *

[thursday]

* * *

Invent a Senirasushipping Day and throw a huge party.

Invite all the Gym Leaders and make him and Candice the guests of honor.

* * *

Sunyshore Gym was drowning in blue-and-white streamers.

They were everywhere: wound around the gears, tacked onto the platforms of the various rooms, and hung up over every door. Confetti covered every surface of the floor, ensuring that anyone who walked in would leave hearts-shaped-confetti footprints. Balloons were fastened to toppers and rested by every doorway. Occasionally, one would escape its haphazard knot and float up to join its siblings on the ceiling. A massive banner emblazoned with the words "Happy SenirasuShipping Day!" hung from the rafters.

Volkner turned around and made for the door, hoping that this was all a horrible nightmare.

"Oh! Hey, Volkner!" Maylene suddenly dashed through the front door, carrying a punch bowl that sloshed dangerously. "Coming through!"

"Hi!" Aaron waved from atop his Butterfree, where he was currently occupied with chasing stray balloons and replacing them. "Candice is in the main room, along with most of the city."

"Most of the WHAT?" The blond quickly made his way to the main room and was horrified to find that Aaron was telling the truth. Flint had converted the Gym into a dance floor complete with disco ball, and seemed to be MCing the entire event. Upon catching sight of his friend, he grinned and waved.

"It looks like our second guest of honor is here! Let's hear it for Volkner, our resident gym Leader!" called the redhead. There were various cheers, and LMFAO's "I'm Sexy and I Know It" started blasting through the speakers of the Gym's surround-sound stereo system.

_It can't get much worse than this,_ mused Volkner as he observed the chaos around him.

Unfortunately, life took up his unspoken challenge. Candice emerged from the mass of people and headed straight for him.

"Hiya, Volkner!" The pixielike Ice-type Leader grinned at him. "Isn't this great? We get a party!"

"Do you know what a SenirasuShipping Day is?" Volkner queried in response.

"Actually, no." Candice paused and tilted her head curiously. "I better ask Flint later. Come on, cheer up!" she added happily, noticing his expression.

"Why should I be happy about my Gym being taken over by the lunatics I call my friends and turned into a dance floor?" asked Volkner with a scowl.

Candice smirked in response. "Well, you know what they say: if you can't beat 'em, join 'em! Let's go!" She grabbed his hand and tugged him to the refreshments table.

The blond noted that the cookies were decorated with pictures of him and Candice in chibi form. Suddenly, he had a really good idea of what a SenirasuShipping Day was, and he made a mental note to kill his best friend later on.

* * *

Throw heart-shaped confetti all over him whenever he gets near Candice.

* * *

"...There's a confetti gun here, too. Why am I not surprised?"

* * *

[friday]

* * *

Propose to him.

Propose to Candice.

* * *

"Ooh, we get to sort fan mail?" Aaron grinned eagerly. "I love doing this!"

"Oh, trust me," groaned Flint as he hauled over two bulging sacks. A few pink letters floated from the top of the first one and fell onto the floor. "This is definitely the farthest thing from fun. After you see some of the crap Volkner gets in the mail…"

"I call dibs on all chocolate!" yelled Candice, diving into the first stack.

"There's chocolate?!" demanded Maylene. "I want some too!"

Five minutes later, the quartet was seated on the floor of Volkner's Gym, having developed a system. Aaron would open up letters and pass them to Maylene and Candice, who grabbed any chocolate/candy/other edible prizes and tossed them to Flint, who would read the more amusing ones aloud for their collective entertainment.

"'Dear Volkner: Marry me, I want to have your babies'?" read Flint, raising an eyebrow. "Dude, why are_ you_ the one with the crazy stalker fans?"

"I don't know," snapped Volkner as he detached another streamer from the ceiling, a remnant of yesterday's so-called SenirasuShipping Day. "Maybe it's because I'm the only sane one in this room."

"At this rate, not much longer," snickered Flint. "This is fun."

"_What did you say?"_ Volkner turned around so fast he almost gave himself whiplash.

Maylene elbowed the Fire-type Elite Four. "Shut up, dummy!" she hissed under her breath.

Flint winced and flopped about hopelessly for an excuse. "Uh…sorting mail is fun! See? 'Dear Volkner, I would like to have your permission to marry Candice because I lo-'"

"Don't. Finish. That. Sentence." Volkner's eyes sparked dangerously.

Candice turned a lovely shade of scarlet, and Flint let out a small "eep!" and cowered behind the towering stack of chocolate Maylene was currently tearing into.

* * *

Write Flint a love letter in his name.

Write him a love letter in Flint's name.

* * *

An hour later, the trio was still sorting mail. The marriage proposals had decreased, giving way to a mass influx of love letters.

"Um, Flint? Why is your fan mail in Volkner's stack?" Aaron held up a letter clearly labeled 'Flint', raising an eyebrow at the redhead.

"He lives here most of the year, that's why," replied Volkner, sweeping a pile of confetti off one of his Gym's gears. "Which reminds me, we're out of milk again."

"That's Maylene's fault! She eats Fruity Pebbles while she watches TV!" Flint wasted no time throwing his teammate under the bus.

Maylene glared at him. "You traitor! I fed you this morning!"

"Out of Volkner's fridge!" retorted Flint, scowling right back.

"Um…guys…?" Aaron had opened the letter, not willing to wait for the duo to cease arguing, and promptly turned pale. "You may want to read this."

"Ooh, this should be fun!" Maylene grinned as she retrieved the offending piece of paper. She read it and snickered loudly. "Flint, did you by any chance write a love letter to Volkner?"

"Hells no," Flint responded flatly.

"There's one for you too. It's signed by Volkner," added Candice, laughing as she retrieved the envelope. "I actually think I'm going to keep this. I can do that, right?"

"I'd prefer you burn it," replied the blond Gym Leader as he leaped off the gear with the broom.

* * *

Ask if you can become the eighth Gym Leader. When someone tells you that Volkner's the eighth Leader, ask, "Who's that?"

* * *

"Mail call!" called Candice as she hauled another sack of mail into the room.

"What?!" yelled Aaron from where he was currently flopped across the floor. "We just did mail!"

"Yesterday's mail, that is." Volkner smirked. "Since I had to clean the Gym, you get to do today's mail call too."

"Ugh…" Flint groaned and tore open the first letter with a sigh. "'Dear Volkner: can I become the eighth Gym Leader?' Do these people know who they're writing to?"

"Probably not." Candice laughed merrily. "Which means, once again, I get all the chocolate!"

* * *

[saturday]

* * *

Change around all the circuitry in his Gym.

* * *

"Flint, I know you had something to do with this, so I'm going to ask you again. WHY DOES SUNYSHORE NO LONGER HAVE POWER?"

"Err...mass influx of static shock?"

* * *

[sunday]

* * *

Dress up as him for Halloween.

Dress all his Pokémon up as girls.

Ask him whether he and Candice are "in LOOOOOOOVE". Preferably in front of a large crowd.

* * *

"It's not even Halloween!" yelled Volkner in aggravation. His four friends were decked out in their best doppelganger regalia, waving from the street outside and attracting many strange looks.

"I know! We're going to the Gymleader Convention!" Flint-Volkner called up to his friend. "Wanna come?"

"Ooh, he totally should!" cried Candice-Volkner, jumping up and down excitedly. "And then we can see if anyone can tell who the real one is!"

"I'm not going," declared the real Volkner, glaring down at his friends. "I stayed up all night fixing the wiring in my Gym, thanks to _someone._"

"Don't worry, we have blackmail!" said Flint-Volkner cheerfully. "Candice started a Tumblr this week. She's got a bunch of photos of your Pokémon decked out in full Contest accessory regalia."

"And dresses!" added Maylene-Volkner happily.

"Please?" Candice-Volkner pulled out her best anime eyes on the blond. Volkner scowled, knowing he was caught.

"Aww, how sweet!" Flint-Volkner snickered. "You two are disgustingly adorable. Do tell, are you in loooooooooove?"

"SHUT UP, FLINT," snarled Volkner, slamming down the window as his cheeks reddened.

* * *

-fin-


End file.
